And so life must continue on.

The past day or so has been emotional at best as I have had to let go of someone that I treasured. Grandpa has earned his wings and is reunited with Grandma again. As I have sat and cried I realize that although I am mourning the passing of a gentle man that deposited so much into my life. I am really mourning the beginning of my walk with God, my examples that were set before me and the pillars that I could lean on when times were rough. There was never a time that I couldn't call to ask their opinion and I did have to ask, or just to have a piece of home by hearing them say "now, sis". Those moments are only memories that I will treasure forever. Never again will I see that determination of trying to tune his fiddle so he could play.
He was onry and stubborn no doubt about that! We have all seen that and sometimes have been on the wrong end of that. Yet there is no doubt that even that will be missed. I am so blessed for all the times we spent talking, praying, going to church, singings, and just sitting on the front porch swing popping beans. Never again, but forever in my dreams. I am most thankful for teaching me to pray and communicate with God. Not just a hey this is what I need or this is what I want, but true two sided communication. Hours and hours of hearing each name in the family called before the throne of God and not in judgement, but unconditional love. Thank you Grandpa and Grandma for always being there for me. I love and treasure you both. Rest in the arms of God.

I am struggling though spiritually. Will I really make it? Will I see them again? Who will love me like them? Was my walk with God because of them? I am sure that this is all part of the grieving process and that I will come through the other side smiling and positive of the answers I seek. I don't weep for them being gone, but for my selfishness of missing them now that they are. God i ask for your help in being the fruit of the seeds they have planted.

CHANGES

As seasons come and seasons go, so the heart on it's journey here below. This morning as I was getting ready to face my week and all that it entails. I seen that I had missed a phone call and had a voicemail. As I listened to the voicemail, tears sprang to my eyes. I could hear the words, but could not really comprehend. Since I am on a two hour time difference I had to wait and digest the fact that Grandpa is preparing to go home. I am sad, but so relieved that he will be out of pain and will be able to breathe again in heaven. Yet, I miss my family during these times. And so until the end I pray for peace and comfort for Grandpa J.